“You’re just trying to save your 21 year old self,” said my son when I told him I’d gone to a support meeting and therapy one afternoon and I thought he should go to. He was 21 and actively using substances. Five months earlier I’d begun a program of recovery that included therapy, yoga, trauma resolution, one on one coaching, deep emotional work and healing retreats that was part my own design, part organic, and part designed by the guide I’d started working with. She didn’t know about addiction in my family until month 3 of our work together, but her "Path of Devotion” work dovetailed well with what I’d begun instituting intuitively for myself.
My son wasn’t wrong. I could see my 21 year old self reflected back to me in his addiction and his pain as well as his intense desire and big dreams for himself. I wanted him to have all the opportunities that an unaddressed and treatable health condition had robbed me of in my early twenties in the 80’s when being a “party girl” was considered cool. I wanted to pave the way for his health and wellbeing AND I wanted my own health and wellbeing. I wanted to feel better inside.
I wanted his recovery but I needed mine too.
The path that rose up to meet me, that met me where I was, terribly distressed, hyper vigilant, often dissociated and exhausted under the weight of my motherhood, the image I was trying to maintain that we were all fine, and keeping my son alive was literally and figuratively a “Path of Devotion.” I made a commitment to do “the work” for a year, to devote to my own health.
The etymology of the word health from the old English hælþ is “a wholeness, a being whole, sound or well” or hælan "to heal." I was devoting to healing, wholeness and wellness.
What I didn’t know when I made the commitment was that I was devoting to a program that would foster my recovery and that I would expose myself to many treatment and healing modalities that my son would later also be exposed to for addiction treatment and recovery and that exposure would be so very helpful as he navigated the rigorous work of recovery from substance use disorder/addiction. It made me so much more aware what he had to do to get well and what it would take emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually and socially. It made me very patient with his process and appreciative of the program he’d devoted to.
Following are 20 things you can devote to and walk the walk of recovery. See how it impacts your family ecosystem, your relationships, your whole life.
Devote to the rigorous work of healing + recovery. Get a coach, get a guide, get a therapist, go on a healing retreat, seek out practitioners with a growth mindset.
Get curious about, explore and work on your own triggers, traumas and unhealthy behaviors. Learn about your emotional needs and how to meet them.
Devote to emotional regulation and being an emotionally safe person.
Befriend your nervous system
Get familiar with your body’s stress response and learn how to stabilize your own nervous system, how to regulate yourself with movement, breathwork or soothing practices.
Re-Parent Yourself
Treat yourself with loving kindness. Show up for yourself. Respect your own needs.
Learn about your attachment style, about all attachment styles.
Practice Unconditional Positive Regard.
Unconditional acceptance, love, or affection. Unconditional positive regard requires that a person be warm and accepting even when another person has done something questionable. It is the belief that everyone is inherently good. That we are good inside and doing the best we can with the resources we have at the time.
Learn about + Practice Non-Violent Communication + Listen More
Establish boundaries and respect others boundaries
Practice Honesty + Integrity
Find your creative expression.
Practice The Four Agreements:
Be Impeccable With Your Word.
Don't Take Anything Personally.
Don't Make Assumptions.
Always Do Your Best
Be careful with what you consume (news, social media, gossip)
Be abstinent (from all substances including alcohol)
Move Your Body Daily
Eat Well
Get Good Sleep
Drink Lots of Water
Go Outside and soak up sun and fresh air
Embody Peace
There are many paths of recovery, allow yours to rise up to meet you. Be gentle and patient with yourself. This way of being work will serve you well for the rest of your life. Devote to your wholeness. You deserve it.
Take Care,
Shelly