There is something missing in when addressing the health and wellbeing of a mother impacted by her child, or any loved ones addiction and it has to do with the body. No one is talking about your body, your loved ones body and the impact of stress or trauma on the nervous system, the brain and your physical health.
Gaining a deep understanding of my physical body, identifying my conditioned stress responses and learning how to bring my body back to natural nervous system regulation has been the key to healing, recovery and relationship repair.
When you hear people say, “take care of yourself," what we really should be saying is, practice the things that open yourself up to receive or increase your receptivity. Receptivity is the ability to receive information, care, help or nourishment.
The body and brain is most receptive in its natural state or homeostasis. (a regulated nervous system) Bonus, we are also most connected, creative and intelligent in our natural physical state. The state of receptivity. Regulation.
If you've ever done yoga, the breathing, movement, stretching of the body make way for a the state of being found in Savasana, the 5-10 minutes at the end of the practice, flat on your back, being still, you've likely experienced homeostasis. A stable equilibrium. Emotional regulation. Neutral. Maybe you've even touched in to a relaxed state or even deep relaxation which is a receptive and healing state of being.
For us to really get to the healing, to the recovery, to wellbeing, we have to make space for receptivity. Our bodies (nervous system) have to be in a relaxed state. Bonus: being relaxed makes us open to receive wisdom & love as well as our own inner guidance.
Most of us learned our physical & emotional stress response from our family of origin. In mine, the modeled response to stress looked like over-drinking, rage-filled verbal outbursts, sometimes accompanied by physical harm or absence/unavailability. What it felt like in my body to bear witness to these stress responses in my environment was a protective tensing/bracing of my core, my neck and my back, jittery nerves, a buzzing in my ears, prickling in my belly. What it felt like emotionally was emptiness/loneliness or fear/terror. These became familiar feelings and sensations. This was my bodies conditioned and normalized habitat. (not natural) My own young stress response became hiding or shutting down (freeze) then as I got older, my stress response was to people please and peace keep (fawn) or use substances to numb out or calm my nervous system or be constantly busy (flight) or change my location/hiding (flight/freeze). You can see there are a number of coping mechanisms for stress here.
Being in a state of fear or terror moves your brain into survival, the most primitive part of your brain, the amygdala. You literally leave your highest intelligence, your logic, your decision making skill. It's your stay “just stay alive” brain. Your body goes into one of several primal responses, fight, flight, freeze. Fawning is not primal, it’s a learned behavior and looks like people pleasing and peacekeeping.
I was in a perpetual state of terror when substance use was active in our family system. Which meant my body was in state of fight, flight, freeze, fawn most of the time. Which also meant parts of my brain were offline and my body was experiencing higher than natural surges of adrenaline and cortisol. All of which contribute to ill health, mentally, physically and emotionally.
For today:
Let's practice self-soothing our nervous system so we can begin to be receptive to care, wisdom, nourishment, healing and recovery. To be open to receiving and processing information, and making choices for ourselves from an empowered place.
Here's an audio with a breathwork practice for you to try.
Why?
To soothe & relax the nervous system
For the body (nervous system) to tell the brain there is no threat, we can relax and have a felt sense of safety.
To move the brain function back into its most powerful place of receptivity, intelligence and function.
To gain access your inner guidance & your intuition.
To be open to receive.
To respond rather than react.
You can return your body to its natural regulated state with your breath and begin to disrupt the stress response that is overwhelming your system and causes the conditions that contribute to disconnection from our selves and people we love. This is what they mean when they say, “emotional regulation.”
Ask yourself. How is my body?
Place your hand on your heart and breathe.