I’m not one for resolutions really. I don’t do new year, new me. I do however have dreams, hopes, wishes for the future for myself. I am realizing that I’ve been identifying as a survivor of addiction. A lineage of ill health handed down through generations. A lineage I chose to disrupt by taking addiction head on with my mom, with my son, myself and working to eradicate its tendrils in all the aspects of my life. I learned how addiction in a family impacts the family members in a myriad of ways, how it keeps you from the things your heart desires most. I’d grown up in an environment of addiction and it perpetuated itself throughout my adulthood. It never really left the building, it just changed scenes and infected more people.
I don’t want addiction to define my life. That’s one of the lingering tendrils. So much of my life, my dreams and desires were sidelined due to addiction. Yes, we survived. Yes, much has changed. But still that “survivor” mentality lingers and has kept me from doing and experiencing things that I long for.
This year I made 13 wishes for myself. Things I want to experience, ways I want to feel, accomplishments I desire. I was rigorously honest with myself. I didn’t hold back out of guilt or shame for wanting too much.
I wrote them on 13 slips of paper and put them in a little pottery bowl my daughter made in elementary school and set them on my altar. Each day I light 3 candles, one for each of my children, a candle for myself, a candle for humanity and a candle that honors this sacred space. I sit in meditation, say my mantras/prayers before starting the day.
For the next 13 days I am lighting a candle to the wishes and each day for 12 days burning one slip/wish without looking at it. (you can put some salt in a dish and burn it in the dish safely. keep some water on hand just in case)
On the 13th day, there will be one wish left. That will be the wish I will be responsible for making come true, bringing forward, realizing.
The other 12 will be up to the Divine, God, The Force, Life, whatever power you believe in that is greater than ourselves to help bring forward.
I am leaving behind survivor mentality in 2022. I am ready to flourish, the way my kids are flourishing. One is graduating from college studying fashion, one is graduating from high school and going to college to study fashion and one is debuting on an HBO series this summer. Flourishing, I tell you.
Wishing you all health and wellbeing in the new year. I hope you leave behind the things that hurt and hold you back, I hope you devote to your deepest desires and longest held wishes and that your wishes/prayers are realized with love and ease.
Ask for what would make your heart sing.
Love,
Shelly
PS. If you’re struggling with a loved ones substance use, I’ve written something for you www.thelayoftheland.net It’s an ebook you can download immediately to help make sense of things and chart a path forward.